found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
