New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
