Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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