On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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