i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
