I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The power of my boobs compel you
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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