I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
