my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
