I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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