its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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