i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
