i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
