i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
