I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
