I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
