Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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