i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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