He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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