know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
