i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
