i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
