she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
