Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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