Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
