I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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