just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
