Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
