Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
