Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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