the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
