There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
