You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So much rum. So many feels.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
