i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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