i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
