Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
