Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
