I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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