Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
