You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
