I smell stomach acid.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
