well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
