I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
