It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
how does that bad decision feel?
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