He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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