I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
