Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
