The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
