porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
