I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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