Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
