Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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