You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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