she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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