OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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