we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
