Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
