it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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