thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
