What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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