shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
